THE MIND OF CHRISTY LAWSON

Just got off the phone with a friend of mine who's been deeply hurt by another friend of mine who just happens to be a male version of me. So it got me thinking that there might be more than one person out there who's frustrated, and can't figure ME out.

Well there's only one word of advise I can give when it comes to trying to get into the mind of Christy Lawson, and that is DON'T!!!!! It would be easier for you to split the adom in your bathroom sink than to try to figure me out. But for those of you who are curious, well here it goes.....

I'm very intellectual and seek the same in the company I keep. If you claim to be an "expert" on a subject that intrigues me, you better know your shit because if it intrigues me, you can bet I've read up on the subject, and I WILL call you on it. I'm an open book, and have no problems telling my friends what I'm doing or going to do, but if they start the "you shoulds" forget it, I can't be "managed". I think that's why I'm single, because I love older men, and I'm old fashioned, but as soon as they start pulling in the reins, I bolt. I'm a notorious flirt with a great eye for male beauty, but that doesn't mean I go bed hoping, and if he doesn't have a great heart and some kind of an intellect, I won't touch him with a ten foot pole! Different people bring out different sides of me, and very few can say they know the REAL me. I can never say that I'm lonely, because I have so many friends to talk to and do things with, but I bore so easily, so it's rare for me to keep doing the same things with the same set of people. Freedom and adventure are LIFE to me, and that's why being tied to this chair is killing me inside. No more biking, hiking, batting cages, camping, all the things that I need to cope with all the pain in my life. I'm a caged bird right now, and I know my friends have seen the change in me. Even though I see the world as it could be, I accept the world as it is, and try to make it a better place.

So as you can see, it's VERY hard to get into the mind of Christy Lawson, and take my word for it, you wouldn't want to! Because it wouldn't take long for you to be so confused that you wouldn't be sure if I belong in the nut house or in the White House. When the truth is I belong somewhere in between. But even though it may be hard to get into the mind of Christy Lawson, it's not hard to get into the HEART of Christy Lawson. I love people, I'm too trusting, and I get hurt very easily. And even though very few people have seen or heard me cry, believe me, my tear ducks do get a workout. I don't know why people do what they do, but maybe if we can understand them a little better, it might explain a lot. And maybe for those of you that wonder about me, (and I know you're out there because you email me all the time telling me you can't figure me out!) this blog entry may help. Oh, and to my friend who's hurt, let me say that remember, deep down he knows how difficult he is, just as I know how I am. The things we crave most in this world such as love and understanding, seem to elude us for whatever reason. Don't beat yourself up because you can't figure him out, because trust me you can't. All you can do is walk away from the friendship, as so many have done to me, or you can be like the small circle of friends that are close to me, and just forgive him and move on. You're a wonderful friend and person, and if he can't see that, or doesn't want that in his life, then he's the fool and it's HIS loss.