There are two people I know and care very deeply for, but because others are going to read this, let's just call them John and Jane. Now these two are not perfect by no means, but in my opinion, they're perfect for each other! John is a sweet guy, but a workaholic. Jane is a recovering workaholic, so she understands him. If there was a way to harness the energy of the sparks between these two, it could light up half the country!
Recently they had a misunderstanding, and for whatever reason, John has pulled back in fear. Jane wrote this sweet loving letter to him, but because she doesn't want to scare him further, I agreed to post it here. John if you read this, remember that it was written from the heart of someone that loves you very, very much. DON'T BLOW THIS CHANCE!!!
My Dearest John,
I don't know who hurt you so bad that you felt you had to run and hide from me, but did you ever think that I might be scared too? Did you ever think that you might be pushing away the one thing that you've been longing for your whole life?
We all long to be loved and accepted; but for some reason we seem to either look in the wrong place, or we give up all together. I'm no prize, but I can love you like you've never been loved before. If there was a way you could look into this heart of mine and see how much love there is inside just waiting for you to turn the key, it would blow your mind away.
Why do I love you like I do? Because you are the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on! I'm not talking about what's on the outside, (though your pretty damn beautiful there too!) but ever since that first day when I looked into those beautiful eyes, and saw that soul of yours, I thought, "what a beautiful man this is!" Then on that incredible day that you looked into my soul, that was it! I was hooked!
John, how many times in this crazy mixed up world do two people really look at each other? Don't you see what a mistake it would be to push this away? But if you feel that you just can't take a chance, or if you just don't feel that way about me, as much as it will kill me inside, I'll understand. But if it's simply that you're afraid that I'll break your heart, let me assure you that I would never do that. I'll admit that I've said and done some stupid things; after all I am human. But I can go to sleep at night knowing I've never broken any one's heart. Though sadly mine has been raked over the coals more than once, so believe me I've been there.
So I guess there's not much more I can say accept, I love you. Yes John, I love you. You mean my whole life to me, and don't think for one minute that I've ever said that to anyone before you, because I haven't. You carry my heart in your pocket, and yes, I'm a little scared that I gave it to you, but I don't regret it. When I think of how sweet and wonderful we could be to each other, I shake inside! Don't even get me started on how great our sex would be, because trust me, we could fly! We have so much waiting for us, Baby please give us a try. let me love you like you deserve to be loved, and let us show the world that true love not only exists, but it could happen to anyone who believes, and takes a chance!
Your Jane
To All Of You
Friday, February 22, 2008
Life Can Be A Bitch Somtimes
I know I promised to be positive, and I'm trying, but sometimes just when things seem to be alright, that's when life bites you right in the ass! I mean I survived the big V-Day by going out with friends, and sending some Valentines to people I really do care about, then I get a phone call from my doctor with bad news about my heart, I find out my friend's husband is battling cancer, and if all that weren't enough I get an email from my friends superior at his work telling me things that my friend should have told me himself! All in the same fucking day!!!!!
I mean all of these things I can handle, but when it happens in the same day, it just seems overwhelming. It's days like that when you wonder why? Why me? Why now? Why all the fuck at once? I realize I should feel grateful that I'm not starving in some third world country, but shit, give me a break!
I guess the hardest thing is having to face all this alone. I know I'm not really alone, because I do have my mom and my friends, but I just haven't found that special someone that I can not only turn to in times of trouble, but that I can admire. I remember my husband telling his friend that living with me was the easiest thing he ever had to do in his life, and that he never met a more loving and giving person than me. At first it felt good to hear some loving praise, but I do remember thinking to myself, "of course it's easy for you, you go to work wearing the clothes I cleaned and ironed for you, you eat the lunch I made for you, you come home to a wonderful dinner I cooked for you, and over dinner we hear all about your hard day. Then after I wash the dishes, I get the joy of watching your stupid T. V. shows with you, and then to the bedroom, where after I please the hell out of you, I get to watch you roll over and go to sleep!" Yes, that was my married life in a nutshell. But the blame was all mine. It never crossed my mind that marriage should be a give and take. That all those times when I had a bad day, and all I needed was a loving hug from him as I cooked his dinner, wasn't a lot to ask.
I'm writing all this because maybe there's someone out there reading this that knows exactly how I felt. But at least I didn't die in that hell hole of a marriage, and even though I know in my heart that I will never marry again, it would be nice to have someone to at least pretend to care about what kind of a day I had!
I mean all of these things I can handle, but when it happens in the same day, it just seems overwhelming. It's days like that when you wonder why? Why me? Why now? Why all the fuck at once? I realize I should feel grateful that I'm not starving in some third world country, but shit, give me a break!
I guess the hardest thing is having to face all this alone. I know I'm not really alone, because I do have my mom and my friends, but I just haven't found that special someone that I can not only turn to in times of trouble, but that I can admire. I remember my husband telling his friend that living with me was the easiest thing he ever had to do in his life, and that he never met a more loving and giving person than me. At first it felt good to hear some loving praise, but I do remember thinking to myself, "of course it's easy for you, you go to work wearing the clothes I cleaned and ironed for you, you eat the lunch I made for you, you come home to a wonderful dinner I cooked for you, and over dinner we hear all about your hard day. Then after I wash the dishes, I get the joy of watching your stupid T. V. shows with you, and then to the bedroom, where after I please the hell out of you, I get to watch you roll over and go to sleep!" Yes, that was my married life in a nutshell. But the blame was all mine. It never crossed my mind that marriage should be a give and take. That all those times when I had a bad day, and all I needed was a loving hug from him as I cooked his dinner, wasn't a lot to ask.
I'm writing all this because maybe there's someone out there reading this that knows exactly how I felt. But at least I didn't die in that hell hole of a marriage, and even though I know in my heart that I will never marry again, it would be nice to have someone to at least pretend to care about what kind of a day I had!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Hello My Friends
Look, look, look to the rainbow. Fallow it over the hill, and stream.... Look, look, look to the rainbow. Fallow the fellow, who fallows a dream.
My father always sung that song to me. And to this day, I really do think of those words when I'm down. You know there's all sorts of blogs out there. From political forums, to what I call "Bitch about life" ones. But I want mine to be a little different. I'd like mine to be funny, happy, and maybe a little mushy sometimes. I don't know about you, but life is just too short, and too cold to do a blog about what kind of a crappy day one's had, unless you're telling the story to make it funny in the end.
As far as the song goes, I think I'm heading into the last verse...... SO I BUNDLED ME HEART, AND I ROAMED THE WORLD FREE, TO THE EAST WITH THE LARCK, TO THE WEST WITH THE SEA. AND I SEARCHED ALL THE EARTH, AND I SCANNED ALL THE SKY, BUT I FOUND IT AT LAST, IN MY OWN TRUE LOVES EYES. I'm bundling up my heart and moving out of state next month, "TO THE EAST WITH THE LARK" and "TO THE WEST WITH THE SEA" will come this fall, when I return to CA to pick up my mom. As far as the line"AND I FOUND IT AT LAST....." I have found my own true love, and hopefully, that person, (me) will forgive me for neglecting her for the past 40 years.
So I hope you my friends like my blog, I'll try to make it as uplifting as possible, but forgive me if I put a little sentiment in every now and then
Christy
My father always sung that song to me. And to this day, I really do think of those words when I'm down. You know there's all sorts of blogs out there. From political forums, to what I call "Bitch about life" ones. But I want mine to be a little different. I'd like mine to be funny, happy, and maybe a little mushy sometimes. I don't know about you, but life is just too short, and too cold to do a blog about what kind of a crappy day one's had, unless you're telling the story to make it funny in the end.
As far as the song goes, I think I'm heading into the last verse...... SO I BUNDLED ME HEART, AND I ROAMED THE WORLD FREE, TO THE EAST WITH THE LARCK, TO THE WEST WITH THE SEA. AND I SEARCHED ALL THE EARTH, AND I SCANNED ALL THE SKY, BUT I FOUND IT AT LAST, IN MY OWN TRUE LOVES EYES. I'm bundling up my heart and moving out of state next month, "TO THE EAST WITH THE LARK" and "TO THE WEST WITH THE SEA" will come this fall, when I return to CA to pick up my mom. As far as the line"AND I FOUND IT AT LAST....." I have found my own true love, and hopefully, that person, (me) will forgive me for neglecting her for the past 40 years.
So I hope you my friends like my blog, I'll try to make it as uplifting as possible, but forgive me if I put a little sentiment in every now and then
Christy
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