100 TRUTHS

Interesting survey on Facebook...Here we go!



1. Last beverage- Water

2. Last phone call- Robert

3. Last time you cried- Last night


SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Dated someone twice- Yes

2. Been cheated on- Yes

3. Cheated someone else- No way

4. Lost someone special- Yes

5. Been depressed- Am right now

6. Been drunk and threw up- At 18, and never did it again

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
1. Red

2. Peach

3. Pink

4. Yellow

HAVE YOU:
1. Made new friends- All the time

2. Fallen out of love- Yes

3. Laughed until you cried- Yes

5. Found out who your true friends were- Yes thank God

6. Found out someone was talking about you- Yes

7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list- Yes

8. How many people on your friend's list do you know in real life- About 65 out of the 90

10. Do you have any pets- 1 dog Reggie

11. Do you want to change your name-No

12. What did you do for your last birthday- Went out to dinner with friends

13. What time did you wake up today- Didn't go to bed


14. What were you doing at midnight last night- Computer stuff

15. Name some things you CAN NOT wait for- Joy in life, a good nights sleep

16. Last time you saw your father- He died when I was 12

17. One thing you wish you could change about your life- Where I live

19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom- Yes

20. What's getting on your nerves right now- These questions!

21. Most visited webpage- Youtube

1. What's your name- At birth- Christina Louise Lane

2. Nicknames- Steel Baby, Pixie

3. Relationship Status- What relationship?

4. Zodiac sign- Gemini

5. Male or female or transgendered- The last time I checked Female

6. Elementary- Cresson

7. Middle School- Robert Lewis Stevenson

8. High school- James A. Garfield

11. Long or short hair- Short

18: What do you like about yourself- My wit

19. Piercings- Just the ears

20. Tattoos- Hell no

21. Righty or lefty- Proud righty

FIRSTS :
22. First surgery- Elbow

23. First piercing- Ears

24. First best friends- George, Carol, Judy

26. First sport you joined- Softball

27. First pet- Dog, Lassie

28. First vacation- Pismo Beach

30. First crush- Scott, first grade

49. Eating- Simalac

50. Drinking- Water

52. I'm about to- Have another Heineken

53. Listening to- The Boss

YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids- Can't have any

59. Want to get married- No, been there done that

60. Careers in mind- Not sure

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
68. Lips or eyes- Eyes

69. Hugs or Kisses- Hugs, big bear hugs

70. Shorter or taller- Taller

71. Older or Younger- Older

72. Romantic or Spontaneous- I'm a sucker for both, but I'd have to say spontaneous

73. Nice stomach or nice arms- Arms

74. Sensitive or loud- Loud

75. Hook-up or relationship- Relationship

76. Trouble maker or hesitant- Neither

HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger- No

79. Drank hard liquor- Yes

80. Lost glasses/contacts- Yes

81. Sex on first date- No Way

82. Broken someones heart- Yes, But didn't know it till years later

83. Had your own heart broken- Oh yes

86. Turned someone down- Yes

87. Cried when someone died- Yes

88. Liked a friend that is a girl- Hell No

89. Liked a friend that is a guy- Married my best friend

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself- At times

90. Miracles- Oh yes

91. Love at first sight- Not for me, but I'm sure it can happen for some

92. Heaven- Yes

93. Santa Clause- Yes

95. Kissing on the first date- Depends

96. Angels- Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now- Yes

99. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time- No

100. Posting this as 100 Truths- Yes

THANK YOU PAUL

I just want to thank my good friend Paul Douglas for the great biography he wrote for my web site. Thanks PD!

Christina was born and raised in Los Angeles, California. She began speaking at six months, and was able to carry on full conversations by the age of two. Extremely musically inclined, her family encouraged her to develop her talents, and by the tender age of ten she had achieved first chair violin in her school district’s honor orchestra. This was an extraordinary accomplishment considering the fact that she was unable to read music! “I have severe dyslexia, and the notes always looked backwards, so I learned to play by ear alone.” By twelve her voice was the most promising of all her instruments, and she began to study with the great Lew Salter. As a result she won the title role of Annie in the first Los Angeles production of the Tony award winning musical.

Yet music and acting were not her true love. Once in the 5TH grade she was told to write a story using all the words in that week’s vocabulary list, and she wrote what she calls her first attempt at comedy writing. So moved by her story her teacher sent her on an errand to the front office while he read her story to the class. She returned to find the whole class laughing and applauding her. “That was it! I was hooked, and I wanted more of it. To have all those faces looking at me with joy on them was a feeling I’ll never forget.” But after all the money her family put towards her music, she felt compelled to keep this desire a secret. So after her role in Annie payed off the family home, she finally told her grandparents of her desire to be a writer. “I knew it would be an uphill battle, because I’m a much better singer than I am a writer, and because of my learning disability, I naturally couldn't excel in English.”

Then in 1982 at the age of sixteen, she experienced a life changing tragedy when her beloved grandfather passed away. After years of hard work to try to be able to attend a good college, she dropped out of high school, and almost ended her own life.

The following year she met her friend and mentor Molly Kelly, and began to work on her dream of becoming a comedy writer. She began writing for the group The Comedy Divas a troop of female stand up comedians in Los Angeles. She eventually started performing with the group in 1987, and stayed with the troop until 1992.

But it was a diagnoses of Hodgkin's Disease at nineteen that truly shaped her adult life, and she would battle the cancer on and off for the next twenty years. Now in 2009 at the age of forty-three she is in remission from lung cancer. “Cancer has been a part of my life ever since it took the life of my grandpa. Since then it has taken more people I love than any other cause of death. I don’t know why it has not taken me, but as I often say, Heaven must not want me yet, and Hell must be afraid of the competition!"

REAL MEN

I love men! I love being with them, talking to them, and of course......well we won't go there. Even though there are rotten apples, most of them are truly great friends. I feel so comfortable around them, that even if I'm the only woman on the fishing boat, I can have such a good time. One time a woman told me that I don't like being around women because I don't like not being the center of attention when I'm around woman that are more attractive than me. Give me a break! I know I'm not pretty, I never have been, and I never will be, and that's fine. As far as getting attention, I'm a God damn comic, so I can work a room and get men AND women laughing. I just don't know how to connect with women on a one on one bassis. Let me tell you something ladies, If you put me in the right clothes, put the right amount of make up on me, I can be just as Gilly girl as you, and my c cups are REAL!!!!!!


Anyway, a perfect example of my relating more to men, I was just at Denny's for my late night coffee, and when John the waiter was going to bring me a 3rd cup, and I told him that I just want more water, he looks at me and says, "Well then what am I suppose to do with all this cream?" We just looked at each other and busted out laughing! The waitress who also knows me didn't get it, and when I explained it to her, and when she realized it was a sexual joke, she just rolled her eyes, and gave me a dirty look. Most women for some reason seem to have such a hang up about sex that I just don't understand. I realise that we tend to hold more of and emotional connection with it than men do, I'm no different, in fact I can still count the number of men I've slept with on one hand! But I just can't understand why they just can't have fun with the subject. As long as it's in good taste, and not too graphic. Though I swear I've heard some girl talk that was completely XXX!

Now just because I said I love men doesn't mean I love ALL men. There are three types that I can't stand, Cowards, Bullies, and Whipped men just turn my stomach! Cowards that have to hit women, Bullies who have to make their women cry to get their way, and Whipped men that have to ask their wife's permission to take a shit are totally useless men, or should I say males. I guess every woman is different, but I love REAL men. Men that you can look up to, admire and respect. They take the world on their shoulders, they know how to treat a lady, and if you walk with them you don't have to worry that they're going to jump behind you in a pinch. They open doors for you, and unless they're sick or hurt, you never have to do the driving! I know women should be able to have any job they want, but I tell you if I'm in a burning building, I want to see a big strong fire MAN at the end of that ladder, not a woman! Maybe that's a sexist way of thinking, but maybe if we hadn't confused our roles so much, the world would be a better place.

THE DRAGON IS LOOSE

I can't say that I'm happier, but something has happened to me. I remember a few weeks after I turned 29 and I was very very ill and in stage 4 of cancer. The doctor came in and told me to focus on the quality of life rather than the quantity, because I probably wasn't going to see my 30th birthday. I went home crying, and almost gave up. Then something happened to me that night. I don't know what you would call it, but something inside of me just snapped. I became very angry, and just told the world and everyone that wanted me to give up and lay down and die to fuck off!!! As I've said many times, being half Irish and half Native American is a very dangerous combination. I'm not only stubborn, but I have a fiery temper that can move mountains. So if I put my mind on something, and someone or something lights a fire under my ass, LOOK OUT!It was like that scene in Gone With The Wind when Scarlett is starving and in the garden and she vows to beat this and live through it. Well not only did I see my 30th, but I saw my 40th, and God damn it, I intend to see my 80th!

Yesterday I was suppose to see a specialist to see if I have MS, and they called me to tell me that my insurance won't cover the visit but if I want to pay for it ($250.00) I was welcome to keep my appointment. Then I received a letter telling me that CA has just dropped my vision and dental coverage. Most people don't know that chemo effects your teeth, and I need major dental work done, but I was waiting till I was in remission. I snapped, blew a fuse, hit the roof, had a cow, any way you want to call it, it happened. The Dragon came out with a fury, and all I can say is that it was a good thing that no one was home, but I do think I scared the shit out of Reggie.

So now what? Well for one thing I'm through with doctors, and drugs. I'll keep up with my check ups, but that's it. I'm going to find some way to leave this fucking CA, and I'm NEVER going to live here again. Mom said she'll move anywhere I want to go, so we're OUTTA HERE! I've asked God to bless me with something that I want very much, and I told him that I want to touch, help, and love as many people as I can before he calls me home. Don't know how I'm going to do all this, or even find the money to do these things, but I was spared for some reason, and I owe it to all those who've not survived cancer to at least try.

Ever since this depression started in January, I found I was crying more and more for my family and friends who have passed away. I felt lost and abandoned. Even though I knew in my heart that I was going to be with them some day, all I could think about was that they weren't here with me now that I needed them the most. But the truth is they never left me. They walk with me every day, and kiss me good night. They pray for me, and I bet I can still make them laugh like I used to do. Even though I miss their hugs and kisses, and seeing them smile at me, to say that I don't feel them near, would be a lie.

Lastly I want to say that I believe very much in the power of prayer. Only the fool says there is no God. I've seen healthy people drop dead, and people on their death beds get well, and no one can explain it. He's answered every prayer I've asked him, even if it wasn't answered in the way I wanted. I'm sure all this suffering is for a reason, and one day I know he'll show me why. So my friends please pray for me, and pray for those I love that are going through some bad times too. And pray for all those who are suffering from depression that are in dark places, because believe me it can happen to any of us at any time, and when it does we need extra love and understanding.

CAN'T STOP THE PAIN

Just woke up and I feel so incredibly sad. I'm trying so hard to come out of this, and yet I feel like I'm loosing. I'm not suicidal, but I'm tired of living. I know there are so many that love and care about me, yet I feel so alone. I feel so guilty about all the prayers that were given on my behalf to get me to this point, and yet I'm not grateful. Still in shock about loosing my friend Molly, and wondering why God spared me and not her.

The only thing I can think of is that in all this time, I've not found joy. Never really had time to think about it, because I was either fighting to get well, or I was too busy taking care of someone else. I've only known joy twice in 43 years. The first 16 years of my life, and when I was pregnant with my son. My mom once told me that if they made a movie of my life, no one would believe all the tragedies I've been through. And yet I must admit, there have been many, many, joyful moments in my life.

So where do I go? Who do I turn to? What do I do? I've always craved being with my friends, laughing, catching a ball game, or just reading and listing to my music. Now, I turned down my friend's invite to come over this weekend, I stooped going to the sports bar, I only call my close friends when I need to talk to them about something important, or if they need me, and I even turned down an invite to go fishing 4TH of July weekend, and I NEVER turn down a fishing trip!

I keep waiting for my best friend to show up to rescue me. The little smart ass that gets a kick out of making people laugh. The girl who puts me in my place, and never lets me feel sorry for myself for too long. She's been with me all my life, and with the exception of my grandpa, the only one I've ever been able to count on. I looked in the mirror a while ago, and she's just not there.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

My grandpa was and is the one true love of my life. What made him so special? At first I didn't know myself. But as I became a women and socialized more with men, I finally knew. He was an old fashioned gentleman, without being a male chauvinist. I can't tell you how many times he told me I could be anything I wanted to be, yet he better never catch me not acting like a lady, or I was in big trouble!

One of my favorite memories was when I was about ten, and he and my uncle put up this great big jungle gym for me in the back yard. I asked him if I could bring some friends over to play with me, and he said yes, and then the next day he caught me playing with about twelve boys! Needles to say, I was in BIG trouble. He knew I was far too young to be doing anything wrong, (hell, I didn't have my first kiss until I was sixteen!) but he tried to explain that my playing with twelve boys, was just not lady-like.

It wasn't always easy being his little girl, because I was as much a smart ass and stubborn as he was, but no girl could have had a better father. He taught me that men aren't the complicated creatures we women think they are. If you find a good man, all you need to do is just let them be a man, stroke that ego, show them you love them, stroke that ego, don't try to make them think like you do, oh and did I mention to stroke that ego? Women are the ones who are the trouble makers, I still end up putting my foot in my mouth with women, and I'm a woman!

Is it possible to be a ladies man and still be faithful? Well grandpa proved it was. I remember the stories about him knowing his share of women, and he had a ball in Paris during WWI. But then in 1923 he married this little spitfire of a woman named Mary, and he stayed with her for fifty-nine years! Yet he attracted women like bees to honey. He told me one day that life is too short, and it doesn't matter how long your married, if your not happy leave, and try to find happiness with someone else. But never try to have your cake and eat it to, or you'll be sorry. He said he felt sorry for men and women who stay in a loveless marriage for the kids, or money, or even worse, because of a vow they took in church. He thought of God as a father, and what father would want his child to be unhappy. You know for a man born in the 1800's he was one hip dude! No angel by any means, but a straight, no bullshit type of man that lived his life by his own set of morals.

There was just one thing wrong with my relationship with my grandpa, and that was that God only let me have him for sixteen years. The man was my father, teacher, protector, and best friend. In other words, he was the center of my universe. I remember my grandma telling him that we were too close, and that he was probably not going to live to see me grow up, (he was 70 when I was born) but he told her it was too late to change things now. But grandma was right, and on October 16, 1982 God called him home. Now twenty-seven years later not a day goes by that I don't think of him, and what he must think of me, and how I turned out.

Men like grandpa are very, very rare. In fact in my forty-plus years I've only known three. Two thank God are in my life now, the other was my childhood sweetheart George. We reconnected about three years ago, and he said that the one thing that he remembered about grandpa, was that he loved that grandpa could wear a pink shirt, except flowers from a woman, and still hold his manly head up high. "Your grandpa would have loved that t-shirt that reads REAL MEN WEAR PINK!" It's true, grandpa wasn't afraid of his feminine side. He was a man's man, and he didn't need to be a bully, or have a trophy wife, or even have a bunch of money to hold his head up with other men.

Grandpa, like the song from Bread says, "no one could ever know, the part of me that can't let go" everything I am, and believe in, you taught me. But you never taught me how to live my life without you! I hope mom is right, and that you are proud of the woman I've become. But I don't care how many years go by, or how many men come in and out of my life, I miss being in your arms and hearing you tell me that everything will be alright, and that you're there for me. I miss not having you here to protect me, defend my honor, and to make me laugh. Through the years I've learned to do all those things for myself, yet I've never learned how to live without that huge strong loving hand of yours stroking my shoulder telling me that I was loved, and that no one better mess with your little girl. Well your little girl misses you, and again, as the song says, "I would give everything I own just to have you back again!"

THANK YOU EVERYONE!

OMG! What a week! Thank you all for your gifts, cards, emails, flowers, and most importantly, your love during this birthday week of mine. That’s why no matter how hard life gets, I can never sit down and feel sorry for myself, because I know so many out there love me. Although I love and thank you all, there are a few I want to especially thank-

Mom- Mommy, I take your love and support so much for granted. Even though I tease you and call you a pain in the butt….truth is I’d be lost without you. No one will ever love me as you do, and I can never love anyone as much as I love you Mommy!

Robin- Even though you had a hell of a day on my birthday, you still showed up. That means so much to me, because that’s a true friend. But it goes both ways sister dear, so always know I’m here for you too.

Shannon- My baby girl! You’re such a chip off the ol block! Although I may not be your real mom, I love you as much as if I popped you out myself. Wasn’t it fun making John blush at the restaurant? A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste, and that’s why you and I rocked the house that night. We need to take our act out on the road!

John- Thanks so much for coming to my dinner, and for being such a good sport while Shannon and I played around. You’re a class act, and I love you dearly.

Molly- Last but not least, Molly what would I do without you! Not only do you never forget about me, you make sure that no one else forgets about me either. You’ve known me longer than anyone, and yet you still stick by me. Thank you my friend.

And again thank you all!!!!!!!

HOW MUCH WE CHANGE

I was talking to my friend Molly last night and she brought up how much I've changed over the years. Of course I changed big time when I was 16 and my grandpa died, and my world fell apart. But I think the biggest change in my life was when I was about 35. All through my twenties and early thirties, I had this incredible chip on my shoulder, and I was so angry. If you notice, most stand up comedy revolves around anger. What was I so angry about? Who knows, I think it was the fact that all my adult life in addition to having to fight for my health, I always had to take care of someone, but there was no one there to take care of me.

But maybe it was that deep down inside, I just wanted to fit in. In school I was very popular, even though I was chubby and unattractive. And by the time I was in high school, I had excelled so much in softball and roller derby (I used to practice with the LA T-Birds) that my calender was pretty full. But I could never seem to fit in with any group, male or female. Even though by the time I was 18, I had studied voice with the late great Lew Salter, played the lead in Annie at the Pantages theatre, sang at the Hollywood Bowl twice, and yet I never was happy. I just wanted to be normal. A normal woman, or shall I dare say a "typical woman" even though I bitch about my sex all the time. There's a lot to be said about being typical. Maybe if I had been typical, I'd be leading a typical life, and be married with children.

So I think for the first 35 years of my life, I was angry at myself for not being typical. Then in and around my 36th birthday, I noticed that I just had to face the fact that I'm never going to be tall, thin, pretty, girly-girl, or have a family of my own.....and it's okay! I realized that even though I wasn't with my husband anymore, I was never at a lost for male company. When I get those snotty looks from my friends wives and girlfriends, it's not that I'm the freak, it's just that they're mad because their man would rather hang out with me then sit with them. I realized that it's good not to fit into a category and be typical, because then I would be boring and ordinary. God blessed me with the gift of being unique, and I needed to be thankful.

Now I'm facing the same insecure feelings I faced all those years ago. Trying to find the blessing in being in the chair. Feeling insecure when I'm out with friends having a good time. And dating? Oh God no! And it's not because I'm not asked, and it's not looks, because I never fall for a guys looks, and even though I'm not beautiful, I'm kind of cute. It's just that The type of man I love wouldn't give me the time of day. The type of man I love is a go getter, adventurous, athletic, charming, and witty. A man that doesn't just talk about things he loves, he goes out and DOES them! And not that I don't like romantic dinners and walks on the beach, but now I can't even walk on the beach without help! So once again the things I took for granted and laughed about, I wish I had. So the moral of this entry is? Count your blessings! Don't bitch if you have to take the stairs when an elevator is out. And above all never ever say "I'll never change" because that's just when life will come and bite you in the ass!

RAINBOW CONNECTION

Everyone has had a song that touches us in a certain way. When I was little, my father (who was born in Ireland) used to sing to me LOOK TO THE RAINBOW, and that's why I named this blog that, and why the lyrics are on the top of the page. Even though my grandpa was my hero and the love of my life, Papa was also very influential as well. I was only twelve when he passed away from cancer, but at least he had the chance to see me on stage as Annie.

Now I have passed on the tradition to my little Steven, and when I saw him a few weeks ago, we sang a song by the wonderful Paul Williams called The Rainbow Connection. As my father wanted me to fallow my dreams, (which unfortunately I didn't do) I want my little Stevie to always believe in his. He's only going to be eight next month, but I hope I lived long enough to have made some good memories. Here are the lyrics to this sweet little song-

Why are there so many songs about rainbows? And what's on the other side? Rainbows are visions, but only illusions. And rainbows have nothing to hide. So we've been told and some choose to believe it, I know they're wrong, wait and see. Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me. Who said that every wish would be heard and answered when wished on the morning star? Somebody thought of that and someone believed it, and look what it's done so far. What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing? And what do we think we might see? Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me. All of us under its spell, we know that it's probably magic....Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices? I've heard them calling my name. Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors? The voice might be one and the same. I've heard it too many times to ignore it. It's something that I'm supposed to be. Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me.

MY TRIP

I wish I could say I was glad to be home, but that would be a lie. But I am glad to be back with Reggie and mom. My spirit has been hit with some major blows that have unfortunately put it on life support, so this trip helped boost it enormously. And I want to take this opportunity to thank the fallowing people for making this trip so great.


Robin: Thanks for all your last minute help, and for the luggage. But I think the sweetest thing you did was when you were going to lend me your ipod, because I know how dear it is to you. You've been such a good friend to me and mom, thanks again.

Alison: You have the best bunch of kids I've ever known! Thank you for letting me be so close to you and your amazing family.

Steven: My precious little Stevie-Wevie, you bring so much joy and sunshine to my life! Thank you for all the hugs, kisses, and cuddles! I will be thinking of you on your birthday next month, and will send you a special surprise. Be a good boy, and I'll see you again soon.

Michael: What can I say that I haven't said before. You are such a class act! Thank you for making the last part of my trip a happy one. You are a total sweetheart!!!!!